Christians look to Christ as the model of forgiveness, but often views are skewed in only one direction: one seeks God’s forgiveness for human transgressions. In reality, the art of forgiveness requires a three-pronged consideration, which includes forgiveness of others and forgiveness of self, along with God’s forgiveness. Forgiveness, or perhaps more importantly the lack thereof, has been shown to have a direct affect on the physical and mental well being of humans along side of the spiritual.
     In summarizing a recent study conducted by researchers at Hope College in Michigan, writer Charlotte vanOyen states that “forgiveness may free the wounded person from a prison of hurt and vengeful emotion, yielding both emotional and physical benefits, including reduced stress, less negative emotion, fewer cardiovascular problems and improved immune system performance …”
     In her life’s work, Sister Susan Adrians, a School Sister of Notre Dame, deals with issues of forgiveness on a daily basis. Sister Susan is a licensed professional counselor, certified grief recovery specialist, certified master addiction counselor and a spiritual director.
     Speaking on forgiveness, Sister Susan notes that at some point in everyone’s life, there is the opportunity to make a choice regarding whether or not to forgive.
     “You may be hurt or violated but you ask yourself, do I deliberately hang on to the pain and anger, allowing it turn to bitterness and resentment?” she said. “With the grace of God, anyone can make the choice to heal.”
     Holding on to a hurt, according to Sister Susan, can be likened to a person drinking poison and hoping that the other person dies as a result. “We only hurt ourselves. It’s like a rupture in the soul and we begin to die spiritually.
     “I believe we have a soul energy that is disrupted when we don’t forgive,” she continued. “The only way we are able to forgive is to call back that energy and align it with divine energy.”
     She admits this is easier said than done. Deep wounds can be the result of betrayal or a break in trust. People are often blindsided, embarrassed, filled with shame.
     “It’s very difficult,” Sister Susan said. “The experience is very personal and demands that you look at yourself first. You have to acknowledge it happened and then take a hard look at your own feelings.”
     Dr. Cate Amador, a clinical psychologist, sees forgiveness from a psychological point of view. In her practice, Amador works with people who have had terrible things done to them in their lives.  “Forgiveness is about no longer allowing those memories, those feelings to influence one’s life,” she said.
     Forgiveness, according to Amador, is about moving on and no longer allowing hurt to turn into destruction.
     “It’s very hard because people get focused on revenge,” Amador said. “It becomes the central focus of their lives. They begin to use the past as an excuse for bad choices and behaviors with a mentality of ‘they did it to me so I can do it to them and others.’”
     Amador quickly points out there are distinctions between forgiving and forgetting and is quick to add that, in many cases, it would be dangerous to forget. For example, in abusive situations, to forgive and forget can trigger an unbreakable circle of violence. Forgiving, according to the psychologist, also does not mean that people should not be held accountable for their actions.
     “Let’s say your child breaks an expensive vase,” she explained. “Of course, you will forgive, but there is also the matter of holding the child accountable in some way for his or her action.”
     The reluctance to forgive, said Sister Susan, is a sign of the times. “In our culture, we are not taught that forgiveness is an option,” she said. “Rather, we’re brought up with the value of standing up for ourselves, of getting even, of vindication.”
     The difficult part, she continued, is admitting to maybe being part of the hurt. “You have to ask yourself what role you might have played.”
     In some cases, such as abuse, incest or rape, through self-examination comes the realization that fault is indeed one-sided. “In that case you can begin the process of healing,” Sister Susan said. “Most people do a great job of beating themselves up over what they might or might not have done. Forgiving oneself can be the hardest.”
     Both women caution that the effects of being unable to forgive can be devastating. The physical results of pent-up anger and resentment can include heart disease, headaches, stomach ailments and elevated blood pressures as a result of unresolved feelings being held in the body. Bitterness and cynicism abound as people become stuck in time.
     “The heart becomes hardened and we begin to become insensitive to the hurts of others,” Sister Susan said.
     She calls that the “backpack effect.” Each subsequent hurt builds on what came before. The load becomes heavier to bear and has a snowball effect.  “We want God and others to forgive us but we are more reluctant to forgive in return,” Sister Susan said.
     As hard as it can be, forgiveness of others and of self, along with the forgiveness of God, is one of the greatest gifts as taught by Jesus. It is a Christian responsibility, an opening of hearts and an experience of healing.
     “If we call ourselves Christian and profess to living the Gospel values, it is imperative we choose forgiveness,” Sister Susan said. “No one knows better than Jesus how hard it is to forgive and he did it hanging on a cross.”

Sister Susan Adrians lives and serves in Indiana through her ministries of spiritual guidance and counseling.

This article is from the September 23, 2007 edition of the Northwest Indiana Catholic the official newspaper of the Catholic Diocese of Gary, Indiana. It is reprinted with permission of the Northwest Indiana Catholic.

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